For example, if your friend regularly complains loudly about work, try taking them out to dinner with some of your fun-loving friends. If the group keeps the topic light and doesn’t dwell on work, hopefully, the attention-seeking friend will pick up on those social cues and do the same.
You could say to your sister, “It seems like you’re asking me for a lot of help with your homework lately. How about I help you set up a study schedule so that you’re not always feeling stressed at the last minute?” If you have a friend who asks to borrow money, try saying, “It seems like you’re strapped for cash lately. That must be stressful. I know my neighbor is looking for someone to babysit their kids. That could be a great way to make a little extra money. Do you want me to put in a good word for you?”
You might promise yourself that if the other person starts texting you constantly, you will not feel like you have to reply to each text. That’s a bargain you can make with yourself. If you think it will help, share your boundaries with the other person. You could say, “I notice that you’re making some really provocative comments lately on your social media accounts. I really don’t feel comfortable talking about those things, so please don’t bring them up when we hang out. ”
You could say to your partner, “It seems like you’ve been needing a lot more time from me lately. I feel like I have less time to pursue my own interests. Is there something going on that you’d like to talk about?”
If your co-worker was told to improve their sales, you can pull them aside and say, “That must have stung a little bit. You’ve obviously put in a lot of effort this quarter!” Building them up might keep them from seeking attention with negative behavior.
You could say, “Look, I know that it’s really hard to be criticized during team meetings. But getting angry and yelling isn’t helpful. In fact, it’s really uncomfortable for everyone. You’re a strong person. Maybe you could find a way to release your emotions after work instead of responding in the moment. ”
If you recently led a team project, speak up if your co-worker tries to make it seem like they were the leader. You can politely but firmly say, “Actually, the new marketing campaign was my idea. I can show you the minutes from our meeting or the emails where I outlined my ideas. ”
For example, your child might be feeling neglected if you recently had another child. Of course, the new baby requires a lot of attention. But this is a good reason to make sure that you schedule plenty of one-on-one time for you and your older child. Other times it might not be obvious why your child is acting out. Take some time to try to figure out the reason and then respond accordingly. You can say, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed kind of sad lately, and you’re expressing that by pouting. How’s everything at school? Are you getting along okay with the other kids?”
You can offer compliments randomly, too. Try, “Hey, I noticed that you’ve been really kind to your little sister lately. Thank you so much! I appreciate you. ”
If your young child is throwing a tantrum, don’t comment on it. Instead of saying, “Why are you crying?” or “Stop that!”, try, “Hey, I have some time right now. Do you want to walk the dog with me?” This way, you’re giving the child the attention that they won’t see it as a reward for their negative behavior.
Instead of saying, “I’m busy, please leave me alone”, give your child a task and some directions. You can say, “I’ve really been enjoying reading with you before bed. Why don’t you go and organize your books? You can look through them and make a pile of the ones we should read next week. ” Your child will not feel like you brushed them off, and they will get used to spending time on their own.
Try saying, “I understand that you get frustrated. But it’s not okay to take your anger out on the dog. If I see you yell at Lucky again, you’re going to have to sit in time-out. ”
