You should also write down any location information you have, including where they live and where they work or go to school. If there are particular locations they are known to frequent, such as restaurants, cafés, or bars, write those down as well. Include any contact information you have, such as the person’s email address, phone number, and handles on messaging services or on social media. All of this information can help police identify them and track them down. If you don’t have a lot of information about the person, don’t reach out to them to try to get that information. They might perceive your questions as an indication that you are interested in them, or that their behavior is welcome.
Don’t include instances in which the person might have a reasonable purpose for being in that location. For example, if the person stalking you also happens to work in the same building as you, or goes to the same school, photos of them around work or school don’t necessarily prove that they’re stalking you – they have an independent reason for being there.
If the person is using multiple accounts to stalk you, do what you can to prove that the same person is controlling all of the accounts. This may be difficult (if not impossible), but commonalities between the accounts, such as the same display photo, may serve as clues.
Your stalker may try to ingratiate themselves to you by sending you things they know you want or would enjoy – especially if they’re someone you used to have a close relationship with. Resist the temptation to keep or use these gifts. Ideally, you shouldn’t even open gifts if they are sent in sealed packages, particularly if your stalker boxed them up themselves – they may contain forensic evidence, such as fingerprints or stray hairs, that police can test and use to identify your stalker.
As with comments or posts they make on your social media, make screenshots of the posts in case your stalker later deletes them. Frequently, stalkers will make these posts and only leave them up for a short period of time, until they’re confident you’ve seen them, and then they’ll delete them. If this is something that’s too painful or disturbing for you to do yourself, enlist a trusted friend or family member to do it for you.
If the person is making comments that annoy you, consider staying off social media and giving your log-in information to a trusted friend or family member. They can make screenshots of the messages without you having to be exposed to them.
For example, if your stalker confronts you at a grocery store near your home, you might write down the date, time, name of the grocery store, location of the grocery store, and aisles where your stalker confronted you. Make note if your stalker went out of their way to confront you or follow you. For example, they may have appeared at a location that was a good distance away from where they live and work, or at an hour when they normally are sleeping or otherwise engaged. This demonstrates the person is obsessed with you. Police departments, domestic violence shelters, and victim services agencies often have forms you can use to record incidents so that you know you’re getting down all the information you need. For example, the New South Wales Police Force in Australia has a form you can copy available at https://www. police. nsw. gov. au/crime/domestic_and_family_violence/what_is_stalking.
If you believe the person is monitoring or has access to your computer, change your usernames and passwords from a secure computer that they couldn’t access. If it’s possible that the person stalking you also has keys to your house, you should also change the locks on all of your doors.
If you have a phone through work, talk to your employer about getting a new phone. Emphasize the security risk that comes from this person having access to your phone and all of the information that is sent and received.
If you live in an area with a robust public transportation system, alternate routes may be easier. Simply get off on a different stop, or ride out to the other side of the city and then take a different train. If your stalker knows your car, you might consider having a friend or family member drive you to work or school. You could also consider renting a car for a few days to throw your stalker off your trail.
Discretion and tact are important if you’re talking to someone who is a mutual friend. In that case, calling the person a stalker may not be the best way to go about it. Instead, you might say something like “Dave and I are having some ongoing personal issues right now. I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk to him about me. " When talking to someone who isn’t friends with your stalker, you can typically be a little blunter. You might say “Carol is threatening me and won’t leave me alone. If she asks you about me, please don’t tell her anything. I just want her to leave me alone. "
Adjust your privacy settings so no one can tag you in a photo without you reviewing it first. If you and your stalker have mutual friends, tell those people not to post pictures of you – or better yet, don’t go out with them. Tell your friends not to tag you in posts, particularly if the post involves events you plan to attend or other arrangements. Make your plans in private, not on social media.
Enabling two-factor authentication can keep your stalker from accessing your account, even if they can figure out your username and password. With two-factor authentication, you’ll get a code sent to your email or mobile phone that you have to enter before you can log into your account. Always log out of your accounts when you’re not using them. While it may be more convenient to leave them up if you access them throughout the day, staying logged in gives your stalker an opportunity to potentially access your account.
If you know the approximate location of your stalker, let the operator know that as well. They can dispatch a police officer to intercept your stalker. Make sure you’re in a safe place before you call, if at all possible. For example, if your stalker can access your home, you may want to go to a friend or family member’s house. Do everything you can to get out of harm’s way.
In the US, you can call the US Victim Connect Hotline at 855-4-VICTIM. A directory of domestic violence hotlines for every country in the world can be found at http://www. hotpeachpages. net/a/countries. html.
In some areas, you may be able to get an emergency protective order from the police department immediately. This emergency order will only be in effect for a limited period of time, typically a few days – just enough time for you to get to court and file for a full restraining order. Keep in mind that if your stalker is online and not local, the ability of the local police to do anything will be limited. However, it’s still a good idea to file a police report so they’re aware of your situation and that you may be in danger.
The forms to apply for a restraining order are fairly straightforward. You can get them from the clerk’s office of your local family court, and the clerk may be able to help you fill them out properly if you have any questions. Restraining order forms are also typically available at domestic violence shelters and victim services agencies. While court employees and volunteers at shelters or victim services agencies may be able to help you fill out your forms correctly, they are generally unable to give you legal advice. If you have an open court case involving the person who is stalking you, talk to an attorney before you file for a restraining order.
In many countries, including the US, there are no filing fees or court costs for a restraining order and you don’t need to be represented by an attorney.
If you’re worried about confronting your stalker, you can also bring a friend or family member along with you for moral support. Once you have your restraining order, your stalker can be arrested and charged with a crime if they come near you or contact you in any way.
