Tell the 911 operator everything you possibly can about the person stalking you, their location, and your location. If your stalker is not immediately nearby, let the 911 operator know that you also need protection where you are. Don’t try to talk yourself out of calling 911 or convince yourself that you’re overreacting. If you believe you are in immediate danger there’s no reason to take unnecessary risks.
Written messages, texts, emails, or messages on social media (screenshot or save) Any gifts or other items your stalker sends to you Photos of any damage your stalker has done to your property Recent call history on your phone Any other evidence of stalking behavior
It can also help to have them write down exactly what they saw or heard while their memory is still fresh. Any legal case could take months to develop and they may forget specific details of the incident in that time.
If there were any witnesses to the incident, write their names and phone numbers in your log of the incident. The Stalking Resource Center has a form you can use to record information about stalking incidents available to download and print for free.
Organize your evidence in chronological order before you go. Make copies of any physical evidence that you intend to hand over to the police. If possible, take a friend or relative with you who can corroborate your story as well as provide you with emotional support. If the officer you speak with seems dismissive or doesn’t seem to be taking you seriously, ask to speak to someone else. Most local police departments have at least one officer who specializes in talking to and working with victims of abuse.
When you get the report, review it carefully. If there is anything that doesn’t seem accurate to you or doesn’t express what you said to the officer, mention it and get it corrected. Get the name and badge number of the officer assigned to your case. If no officer is assigned, ask that someone be assigned to your case so you have someone to call directly if you need to report incidents that happen later.
If you get anything from your stalker, such as a written letter or gift, take care not to touch it. Hand it directly over to the police. For example, if you are sent a letter, pick it up with tweezers and drop it into a plastic bag. Don’t open it. Don’t open any packages from your stalker. Take the whole thing to the police.
The police department may be able to give you the names and contact information for programs that could assist you. Domestic violence shelters and programs can typically provide you with advice and support even if your situation is not domestic. For example, if you’re being stalked by a former coworker with whom you never had a romantic relationship, you should still be able to get help from these organizations.
Emergency orders typically only last until courts are in session and you have the opportunity to seek a temporary or permanent restraining order. Pay attention to the dates that your order will be in effect. In some states, you may have up to a week, but others only give you a few days. In some states, emergency restraining orders are limited to situations where you’ve been immediately threatened, such as if the police are called to the scene of an incident involving you and your stalker.
If you’re working with a domestic violence shelter or other victim services program, they’ll likely have copies of the restraining order form as well. Restraining order form packets typically come with a few pages of instructions. Read these instructions carefully and make sure you understand them before you start filling out your forms.
If you need help filling out your form, reach out to a local domestic violence shelter or victim services program. If you’re not already in contact with one of these organizations, ask the court clerk where you can get help filling out your forms.
You may need to talk to a judge to have a temporary order issued. The temporary order is in effect until the date of your hearing.
Typically, a sheriff’s deputy will personally serve your stalker with the court papers for free. Talk to the clerk if you don’t know your stalker’s address or believe they will be difficult to find. There are alternate processes you can use to serve them. When the court documents are served on your stalker, you’ll have a “proof of service” document to file with the court clerk. This document is filled out by the person who served the papers. Make a copy of it for your records and take the original to the clerk’s office.
If you don’t feel comfortable presenting your own case, you can find an attorney to represent you. Your local domestic violence center will have information about attorneys who might represent you for free or on a sliding-fee scale that takes your income into account.
If you do not attend this hearing, your order will not be made permanent. It’s possible that your stalker won’t bother to show up at the hearing. Even if they don’t, you still typically need to prove that a restraining order is warranted. A judge won’t automatically grant you a permanent restraining order just because your stalker isn’t there to contest it. After hearing all the evidence, the judge will decide whether to make your restraining order permanent. You can get a written copy of your permanent restraining order in the clerk’s office. The judge may decide not to make your restraining order permanent. You have the right to appeal this decision. If you file an appeal, your temporary restraining order will remain in effect until the appeal is heard.
For example, if you go to school and have a part-time job, give a copy to your school’s security office and one to your manager at work. Keep a copy at home and another in your vehicle. If you’re frequently at the homes of family or friends, leave copies there as well. If there are other people protected by the restraining order, such as your children or your significant other, give them copies to distribute as well.
If they don’t know your stalker, a photograph can be helpful. You might also provide a basic description of your stalker. Keep in mind that in extreme cases, your stalker may dye their hair or otherwise disguise their appearance to try to get close to you without being recognized. Make sure your neighbors know about your stalker so they can report if they see your stalker lurking or snooping around your home. If you live in an apartment, tell your landlord about your stalker and make sure they know that this person does not have permission to enter your home – especially if they previously lived there.
If you aren’t able to change some usernames for professional or personal reasons, just make sure you’ve protected those accounts with the highest possible security.
Continue be vigilant about what you post on social media even after you block your stalker. Someone who still has access to your account and is friends with them could report back information. Don’t post personal information that would give away your whereabouts. Avoid posting pictures or information about trips you take or events you attend until after you’ve returned. Turn off tagging so people can’t tag you in photos or posts they create. This information could get back to your stalker. You might also consider making your social media accounts private so your posts can only be viewed by people you know.
For example, if you have to be at work at 9:00 a. m. , you could leave some mornings at 7:30, others at 8:00. If you’re reliant on public transportation, consider leaving early and taking a roundabout rather than a direct route. Try to vary your other errands as well. For example, if you go to the same grocery store every Saturday morning, occasionally go to a different store or do your shopping on a different day. You don’t want your stalker to be able to reliably predict where you are or where you’ll be on any given day.
Deadbolt locks and other safety features can also keep your home more secure. Test your windows as well to make sure they can’t be opened from the outside. Be careful about who you give a key to your home. Don’t give a copy of your key to anyone who still has contact with your stalker.
If you regularly get packages, make sure they’ll be delivered to a secure location where your stalker wouldn’t be able to retrieve them.
Many home security systems have some level of connection to local police, enabling them to respond more rapidly if your stalker is lurking around your home or threatening you.
If you can move, find out if your state has an address confidentiality program. These programs protect victims of stalking or domestic violence by keeping your personal address out of public records. If you live in an apartment complex, take your police report, restraining order, and other documents related to the stalking to your landlord and ask if you can move to a different unit in the same complex. You may be able to do this without affecting your lease.
